“If you are lonely when you’re alone, you are in bad company.” I had read this quote by Jean Paul Sarte a couple years ago after I had just experienced a hurtful break-up and these words hit me like a ton of bricks. Not only because of their truth, but also because of the light they shed on my current state.


These words then sparked other questions in my mind like…If you can’t be alone with yourself, how can you know yourself? And if you don’t know yourself how can you really do anything to your full potential?


Have you ever felt like you didn’t know yourself? I wanted to let you in on the most effective technique to know yourself. Now it’s going to sound simple, but it’s not easy…its one word…solitude.


We are constantly chasing different things in life in order to be happy, end desire and feel peaceful but “if you can’t find peace within yourself, you will never find it anywhere else” – Marvin Gaye. But to truly find peace within yourself…you need to be alone.


And by alone I’m not talking about watching TV by yourself. Or reading by yourself. Or working out by yourself. I mean sitting in a silent room with no distractions, reflecting on your thoughts and continually questioning what comes up.


“I spent a lot of time by myself so I could figure out and listen to what was inside my heart and inside my head” – Arnold Schwarzenegger.


I use to be scared of being by myself. It was an unconscious feeling at the time. A lingering feeling in the background of my life that I never really addressed. I never really addressed it because I don’t think I understood what it was. I was only able to understand what it was when I let myself be alone. When I stopped being too busy for myself. When I stopped giving my time to everyone else, and really just spent time with myself.  And until you actually do this, you don’t know how important it is and how much you grow and evolve from it.


The best way to know yourself is through solitude. “All men’s miseries derive from not being able to sit in a quiet room alone” – Blaise Pascal. I heard this quote only after I did my own alone work with myself, but it’s absolutely true and it resonated with me so I wanted to share it and I hope that it resonates with you as well.


To truly know yourself is to love yourself. Once you love yourself you are truly able to be yourself. Once this happens, you will live such a happier life!


Best of luck my friends and let me know if you have any questions.





  1. Steven,

    Thank you one more time for sharing this, I guess I was falling into a place where I felt I was suffocating every time I am by myself specially after going through some emotional changes with my boyfriend. I guess I neede to know myself a little more and have time to just find peace in myself.

    thank you so much for this!

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