So what makes us take that next step when we don’t want to? Like when we’re tired, upset, or deflated. What keeps us positive and mentally strong when we are going through tough times in our life?
It’s something that is with you your whole life. For most people it is their entire experience and reality. It dominates how they act, what they do, how they interact with other people and their surroundings. What is it?? Its your inner monologue. Your inner monologue is what you are telling yourself about yourself and your environment at all times. If your inner monologue is affecting so much of your life, wouldn’t you want to control it and master it?
The number one difference between winning or losing..between happiness or unhappiness..is your inner monologue. And the real difference is having a POSITIVE inner monologue. Mastering your inner monologue is essential to living a tranquil life. A positive inner monologue will keep you moving forward through the hard times by offering encouragement, love, and support to yourself which will cultivate resiliency. This resiliency turns into repetition as you stay on your path and enhance your skills. Repetition is the mother of all learning, which eventually transforms itself into mastery. Once you have done something so often, over so much time, you become a master of that craft, which is where you see the best results. Your inner monologue can start a snowball effect of success for you (or an avalanche of failure). These steps are a cycle and progression that happen naturally as a consequence of cause and effect. Most masters experience this cycle but are rarely aware of it on a conscious level. It is easier to conceptualize when the steps are broken down like this.
Now on the flip side, if you are constantly beating yourself up and telling yourself you cant do something, or its too hard, or you don’t have the time or knowledge, or you don’t have the necessary skills, then these types of thoughts will turn into a self fulfilling prophecy and your inner monologue has essentially doomed you. That’s why you need to stay aware of your monologue. You’re hearing what it’s saying but your not controlling what it’s saying. This is usually happening subconsciously if you are not aware. This is like driving a race car and only knowing where the gas is. Your’e setting yourself up for disaster if you don’t master the workings of the vessel. This obviously applies to your life as well. If you don’t know how to work the software of your being properly, you’re going to be out of control. Do not give any energy or time to thoughts that do not positively serve you. The mind is a tool that should only be used to work for you, not cause you unnecessary suffering.
Now that you know what an inner monologue is and why it’s important, I want to give you 5 tools to cultivate your inner monologue so that it is positive and actually serves you.
Tool 1 – Reframing – this is a method where you change the parameters of a situation so that they are favorable for you. For example, your boss needs you to step in with him/her to a surprise meeting with a brand new client. Most people would say great there goes an hour of my day and I don’t even know this client so I probably won’t be able to help anyways. Instead of taking this approach, reframe the situation. Think like this..your boss obviously values your abilities enough to call you into the meeting. Plus, you now have an opportunity to meet new people. This technique can transform your reality. Do this often enough and it will become a part of your default state.
Tool 2 – Self Love – being accepting and compassionate with your self is a big deal as I mentioned earlier. Release all need for self judgement or punishment. Forgive yourself and know it is okay to make mistakes. How do you know if you are self loving enough? Use my Car Singing Test. Can you sing out loud in your car and not judge your voice at all? If the answer is no..you need more self love.
Tool 3 – Mediation & Mindfulness – thoughts can be slowed down through meditation. Slowed down thoughts are easier to manage and can been seen for what they are..just thoughts! You are not your compulsive thoughts. Become a mindful observer of your thoughts. Then consciously choose them.
Tool 4 – Assuming the Positive – we make so many assumptions throughout the day that have no basis and don’t help us. What if you could make assumptions that actually work for you? Say you’re waiting for your partner to text you back and it’s been a while. Many people will automatically get worried and assume that they did something wrong. Instead, simply assume the other person’s phone is dead and they will get back to you when they can, or even better, they want to impress you and are taking their time to create a great response to send you.
Tool 5 – Affirmations – affirmations reprogram your subconscious mind, which has a major influence on what we think and do. I do affirmations a lot. The best way to do these are to look in the mirror, make strong eye contact with yourself, and then say your affirmation with conviction. Constant repetition is also needed. Multiple times in a row and on a daily basis. Also, always use the positive form of what you want. For example, if you want to stop being so timid, don’t say “I’m not timid.” You have to say instead “I am courageous!” You saying “I’m not timid” still ends up reaffirming your timidness. And use the present tense. Don’t say “I will be courageous.” Say “I AM courageous!” Plant your flag in the present and take ownership of what you want now!